What Are We Actually Running From?

Grab your cup. ☕

I was having a great conversation with my cousin this morning. She is an amazing therapist of over 20 years who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy and is in the final stages of publishing her first book. We always have the most exciting conversations and today we ended up comparing notes on our respective practices. We got into a deep dive on pain versus pleasure, specifically what actually drives human motivation.

Statistically, it isn't even a close fight. Humans are wired far more to avoid pain than to run toward pleasure.

We confirmed that in both her therapy practice and my coaching practice, we humans actively run from the uncomfortable feeling that comes with doing the hard thing. Think about the tasks that we know we must do, but constantly push off. Lead generation to find new clients. A difficult conversation with a seller for a price adjustment. A challenging performance alignment with an agent in the office.

Whenever we avoid a hard task and replace it with something easier or more pleasurable, we tell ourselves we're just busy or disorganized. But the reality is much simpler: Our minds are screaming "danger" and trying to protect us from a threat, when in reality, it's just a difficult conversation.

Most of the time, that discomfort is just tapping into a fear we developed when we were kids. Fear of rejection. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of looking unintelligent. Or that deep fear of imposing on someone, which is really just an old feeling of insignificance bubbling up to the surface. Personally, mine is a fear of feeling insignificant.

Here are the two focus areas we need to look at this week to stop hiding from the hard stuff.

1. The Agent Strategy: Recognize the Real Cost of the Avoided Call

When we look at our lead generation block and suddenly decide that our database needs a color-coded cleanup instead, we aren't being productive. We are hiding.

The doubt we all face in those moments is completely normal. Our brains tell us, "If I call this person, I am imposing on their day." Or, "If I bring up a price drop to this seller, they are going to think I'm bad at my job." It feels like a threat to our safety, so we run to a safer, more pleasurable task.

But here is the trade-off we have to confront: running from that temporary discomfort guarantees the long-term pain of a roller coaster business or worse yet, a failed business.

The next time we hesitate to pick up the phone, let's stop and ask ourselves what childhood fear we are trying to protect ourselves from. Is it rejection? Is it looking dumb? Let's acknowledge it, realize we are adults running a business now, and make the call anyway. True confidence isn't the absence of fear; it's taking action while the fear is still in the room.

2. The Leadership Insight: Coaching the Fear, Not Just the Tasks

Market Center Team Leaders and CEOs, we have to change how we look at accountability.

When our agents aren't hitting their production goals or are skipping their lead gen blocks, our default response is usually to hand them a new script or give them a cleaner tracker. But if the root cause of their stagnation is an emotional survival mechanism, a new spreadsheet isn't going to fix a thing.

We have to lead with a heart to educate and understand the human being across the table.

The next time we are having a tough coaching conversation with an agent who is stuck, let's look past the surface level excuses. Let's stop asking just about their daily dials. Try asking a deeper question: "What is the uncomfortable feeling we are trying to avoid when we look at that phone?" Let's help them see that they are letting an old childhood fear run their current business balance sheet. When we help an agent break through a personal ceiling of fear, we build unbreakable trust that outlasts any market cycle.

The Weekly Challenge

Let's look at our schedules for the upcoming week, find the hardest task we've been avoiding, and ask this:

"What specific fear am I actually running from by putting this off?"

Name the fear, call it what it is, and move it to the very top of the schedule tomorrow morning. Do the hard thing first, and let the relief fund the rest of our day.

Hit reply and let me know: What is the one task we've been avoiding because of an old fear, and how will you tackle it tomorrow?